Hummingbird Bakery’s Banana Loaf

So, my husband no longer loves me or wants to be married.  In between crying and moping and feeling like the world has collapsed in on me, I am still going to work, living my life (albeit a sad and pathetic one) and trying to be a decent member of the human race.  It’s not easy, but I have to say having a job to get up and go to every day has been my saving grace.  And the people I work with are amazingly kind and supportive, even though I have only been there a short time.  They’ve comforted me and given me cuddles, wiped my tears and offered me endless emotional support and guidance.  No one has told me to do anything other than give myself time and that is what I am trying to do.  I am less teary now than I have been in months and I can partly thank the new anti-depressants I am on, but also the wonderful friends and family members I have who have been helping me get through this time.

So, life.  It goes on.  Work mates come and go and move on to bigger and better things.  Which is the story this week.  One of my dear new friends at my work is going back to Ireland to complete her doctorate and we are all going to miss her very much. I am so emotional right now I am sad to see anyone leave the building, let alone the country, never to return (or at least, not for several years).  So I baked.  A “Farewell” afternoon tea was being held today and I felt the need to contribute so I made a card and baked some banana bread.  I can’t eat bananas and this is very, very sad, but I figured everyone else could and who doesn’t love banana bread?  I chucked in some dark chocolate chunks too.  Might as well make it completely off the table for me!

This recipe is stolen from the Hummingbird Bakery’s Cookbook.  I’ve never used it before, but the recipe was easy and turned out well.  Give it a go.

Banana Loaf

270g soft light brown sugar
2 eggs
200g peeled mashed banana (choose over-ripe ones)
280g plain flour
1 tsp each of baking powder, bicarb, ground cinnamon and ground ginger
140g unsalted butter, melted.

Preheat oven to 170 C

Put the sugar and eggs in a large bowl and beat together with a whisk or electric beaters.  Mix until well combined.  Add in mashed banana and mix.

Add the dry ingredients.  Mix thoroughly until all are combined.  Pour in the melted butter and beat well until mixed together. Lightly mix through some chopped chocolate pieces or choc chips if you like…

Pour in a prepared loaf tin (greased & floured or baking paper or whatever your favourite non-stick method is!) and smooth over with a palette knife.
Bake for about 45mins-1 hr or until firm to the touch and when an inserted skewer comes out clean.  Let the cake cool slightly in the tin before turning out onto a wire rack to cool completely.  Cut into slices to serve.

While I am still sad and scared about the future I am trying to be brave and carry on regardless.  My life has been turned upside down but I am lucky to have a roof over my head, friends to make me laugh and family to cosset and protect me.  I am blessed, even if I don’t feel it every second of the day – I am trying to remember it and be grateful for the things I have and for the people who still love me and won’t ever leave me.  I miss my husband, but, if I am honest, he hasn’t been here with me for a long time now and so the ending is perhaps not as shattering as it might otherwise have been.  I am not loved by him but that does not mean I am not loved at all – and I must remember that and try to live my life, one step at a time, one baked good after another.

Today I am ok.  Tomorrow I may be in the pits of despair again.  I hope, if that is so, you’ll forgive me and indulge my bit of wallowing

Thank you all for staying with me x